Advice

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Advice on Avoiding Rage
Moving Blues

I need advice on a relationship problem

I like a guy who my best friend has been obsessing over for 3 years. HE asked ME out and now she is doing everything she can to ruin the relationship. She flirts with him and makes up lies about how he secretly adores her. I want her to stop but when I talk to her about it she just says that I stole him from her and she's returning the favor. If someone could find an answer and E-mail it to me I'd appreciate it.

Carolina

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Response 1

Carolina, I can start telling you what you should do, but I can't really do that mainly because im not you. How much does this guy mean to you? Is he the guy you will eventually marry or just a guy you'll forget in 10 years? How long have you and your friend been friends? If the two of you are very close then you have to preserve that friendshup because guys or girls are dimes a dozen but a true friend, now that is valuable.

Sincerly,
Bloodrose from NYC

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Response 2

Dear Carolina,
The most important question seems to be: which do you value more, the friendship or the relationship? Because it seems like you can't have both. Sure, if she was a really good friend, she wouldnt make you choose. but on the other hand, no offense, but hooking up with a guy you know your best friend likes is not exactly the best thing to do to a friend. My personal experience has been that girlfriends are always there for you while guys come and go, and I would try never to lose a girlfriend over a boyfriend. But hey, if he's the right guy for you, maybe its worth it. Good luck!
Shira

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Response 3

Carolina,
I am sorry to report that if you friend can't be happy for you and can't stop trying to break you and your boyfriend up than she really isn't a friend. Maybe she doesn't realize she is hurting you so much and you should talk to her before you totally push her aside. If she doesn't care that she is hurting you than she isn't your friend and never has been!
Lyndee

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I need advise on wrist-cutting

I have a really important question to ask. I cut my wrist before when i was really upset (i was having alot of family problems and my boyfriend had just dumped me) and now i can't stop. Whenever something big or little sets me off, i go and cut myself again. I heard it can be really dangerous, but i can't help it. I makes me feel better somehow. It's sorta addicting in some way. Do you have any suggestions?

please help me!!
BrazilianChick

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Response

Dear BrazilianChick:
I am a family therapist that works with teenagers in Los Angeles, California and I am glad you wrote. You've got this one right, cutting can be addictive. In my practice I see it quite often. The good news is twofold (1) you realize the dangerousness, and have a desire to stop (2) this compulsion is treatable. There is a lot to be done in therapy, but not a whole lot I can do over the internet to help other than to offer you a list of referrarals for therapists or clinics in your part of the world, but first I need to know where you are. If you are brave enough to ask for help, I assume you have courage to e-mail me with some specifics (1) How often do you cut? (2) How deep and what do you do to treat the wounds? (3) Have you told any close friends or family, what did or would happen if you did confide in someone close? (4) Do you have a support system, who? (5) How old are you, and how long have you been doing this? (6) Has is remained the same, or gotten worse or better? (7) Rate this on a scale from 1 to 10 with one being the worst/most depressed you've felt, and 10 being the happiest/least depressed (8) What kind of relief, mental/physical or both do you get? Where do you feel relief in your body? (9) How long between cutting episodes? (10) what city/town and country do you live in. I want to help you find someone to support you through this, but I am limited if you do not respond. You've taken the fist step...keep up the good work! Looking forward to hearing from you soon -
Jennifer Goldberg, MA

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