What do you call an 18 story condo in Tel Aviv?
A Chai rise
sent by Toby
The Rabbi came over yesterday and we had a bris for my computer, taking a little piece off the tail of the mouse. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know that there were some other changes, such as: I had to have two hard drives, one for fleyshedik business software and one for milchedik games. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my PC now gets "Ferklempt." The Chanukah screen savers include "Flying Dreidels". My PC also shuts downautomatically at sundown on Friday evenings. After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours. My "Start" button has been replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.
When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus". The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!"
Internet Explorer has a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner. I hear "Hava Nagila" during startup. Microsoft Office now includes "A little byte of this, anda little byte of that ...." When running "scandisk", I am prompted with a "You want I should fix this?" message.
When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud "Oy Gevalt!" After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes "Schloffen." Computer viruses can now be cured with some matzo ball chicken soup.
The Y2K problem has been replaced by "Year 5760-5761"issues.
sent in by Tamara
A couple of years ago, at the West Point Jewish Chapel, there was
a display about Haim Salomon and the Revolutionary War. He died
penniless, having used all his resources to aid the newly formed
and poorly supplied American "army".
This is a wonderful story sent to me by a friend: A Story about:
George Washington and the first Jews in America.
General Washington's financial advisor and assistant was a Jewish
man by the name of Haim Salomon.
During the cold winter of Valley Forge when American soldiers were freezing and running
out of food, it was
Hyam who marshalled all the Jews in America and Europe to provide money in
relief aid to these stranded American troops and turned the course of
history.
Without this help, our "Army" would have perished before they
could have defeated the British.
If you take a one dollar bill out of your pocket and look at the back
at the Eagle, the stars above the Eagle's head are in the six point
Star of David to honor Jews. If you turn the Eagle upside down you will
see a configuration in the likeness of a Menorah....both at the insistence
of George Washington who said we should never forget the Jewish people and what they have
done in the interest of America.
sent in by Harry Paul
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
sent by Carl
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