Each time there is a major "piguah" (attack)
Kate composes a poem/essay to
cope with her grief. We are presenting a number of her poems in this
issue.
Death Soaring Birds A Dance of Madness A plea for life Panic A Demon Named Death? The Black Dance
Death / Kate Deutsch
"Sometimes the silence can seem so loud"
I want so much to cry, to spill this eternal ache in my heart. Each death
does not hurt less, but the continues heart ache makes you numb. One
question echoes through your mind:How can I hurt any more then I'm hurting right now?
And you want to scream out your agony, pound it out, cry it out, but we're
drained & death has become monotonous to us.It's late and I'm torn, I'm broken, I feel ancient ridden with pain and
guilt.How dare we live?
How dare I laugh & smile & love?
When innocent souls are dieing.
Last night while we slept and dreamt, A baby died. The baby was born to a
mother attacked by evil on her way home, & the child died, the perfect
pure child, through no fault of its own. Before it could draw even one
short joyful breath. It did not even see its death.I want the world to see our pain, I want them to stop justifying this
waste. I want revenge.Maybe I lied.
Maybe I hurt more then I can process, sometimes it's hard to translate
feelings into words. But later, much later it hits you, & it's like a
punch to the gut.Kate. written June 23, 2002
To Top
The Black Dance / Kate Deutsch
"Your heart clenches the blood freezing in your chest, the dark dance of
color a swirl of life, cut.Listen!
Listen to the cries of the dead
The stolen souls sacrificed to Satan
Help!! Help!!
They yell, but to no avail.
Pain, panic and a desperate need.
I run blind... I need to scream and cry... But I'm dry like the desert
around me and my heart is numb.So black, so cold, and there are no answers, and yes I'm scared, and no
I'm not.Wanna go wanna stay, wanna live wanna die.
Empathy, sympathy, words...
Take me away, to where?
Is it really better somewhere else?
Talk talk talk... It's his fault her fault, this will happen that will
happen...And they float around me... So confusing so silly.
Watch us fall, watch us die, watch us cry.
But in the end, watch us rise, win and shine."
Love, Kate.
written after attack on June 23, 2002
To Top
(Poland 2001)
Soaring Birds / Kate DeutschEverything is so green
Everything is so peaceful
I came to the land of souls
A lone figure.
And the earth screams.
It is not the land that lays at fault
nor the tree or the flower,
It is not they that lie bleeding,
The blood of pure souls
Of innocent souls
Souls that didnt get to live.
And the birds fly, pure,
Beautifull, soaring groups,
Groups of souls,
That see the screaming land,
And the green that salutes the souls.
The pure souls,
The innocent souls,
The souls that did not live.
But they're here, and not hidden but openly, birds, soaring birds.
To Top
A Demon Named Death? / Kate Deutsch
There's blood filling my vision.
It drips, clouding my mind. Rage pours through me, the need to pound,
break, lose control to the spiraling anger.There is nothing left but the routine we cling to, hoping with the very
last bit of hope that, that one thing will be left to us, untouched.Mental survival is a day to day internal fight.
The questions are no longer held back and they slither into your mind
filling it with a new kind of knowledge.You can be next.
There are no safe percentages. No refuge from the demon called death. You
might hope, you might pray, it doesn't even matter if anyone is listening.
Because it all comes down to you.It's not the end, not even a middle, its just the way things stand. It's
almost as if it has become an inseparable part of our culture.It makes you wonder about future generations. What will death be to them?
What has death become to us?
So now that I'm done with introduction, let me introduce myself. My names
Kate. I'm 18 years old. I was born and raised in Jerusalem and I've lived
here all my life.Bombs. Shootings. Wars. They are all just part of my life. But I didn't
choose it, none of us did. It was passed down to us as an inheritance. The
fight for the survival and thrivement (this isn't a word and i can't think
of another one) of the Jewish community, a Jewish way of life and belief
has always been a part of us.Justified or not is not really the question.
But perhaps it is time for the world, the NON-JEWISH world, to stop, and
take a look at themselves and where they stand.I think it's shameful. If I, an 18 year old, needs to call their attention
to the need to wake up and look inside themselves.To Top
A Dance of Madness / Kate Deutsch
Circle circle, tumble fall.
Stand up, get up,
continue to walk.
Laugh, smile, let the blood pump through you.
Win this round.
Pride washes through you,
rinsing out any trace of sadness,
any trace of self loath.
You know who you are,
you know what you are
and what you are worth.
Don't ever give up life,
Love, Joy, all those emotions
that make us human.
Death might surround us,
but we aren't dead and nothing
except you can stop that.
So don't let yourself down,
don't let yourself down.
Pray love, remember.
To Top
Panic / Kate Deutsch
P- prancing in a silver stern,
A- another day upon these bones.
N- not a flutter of sound
I- in fear of the unknown future.
C- closing in on you, the welcome fog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Panic, desire, an un-controlled need, tumbling into a shallow edged
pit...Mixing, creating, quiet intoxicating. You never know what it has
created, debated, fornicated.The monster stands new to this world no rules to bar it as it sets to
explode...Hunting, demolishing, barging and ravishing, the crazed buffoon is out
of control.So duck and hide let the for cloud your mind... Tumble into a shallow
edged pit.To Top
This was written after the horrendous bomb attack at Hebrew University in
Jerusalem on Wednesday July 31, 2002. Seven were killed (five of them
American citizens) and 86 were wounded.A plea for life / Kate Deutsch
It's been a hot and mucky week here in Jerusalem.
The heat only adding to the tension we are all already carrying round.
The bomb yesterday seemed like such a relief.... now we can relax.
But like before, time and time again, monsters do not give up.
So, there are seven dead, and 70 wounded, that's about 80 lives, (if we
don't count the people who weren't physically injured), 80 lives ruined,
hurt, abused, taken. With no thought, without a care as to the
consequences, because monsters don't care.And the real question we are left with, is how to move on, to that,
there are never answers. With time you learn not to hate every Arab you
see. You learn to merely resent their remindful presence, and yet hate,
is an ever growing emotion, in the younger, softer, generation.With time, every bomb no longer stops life from going on that day, not
even that hour. It becomes like a small obstacle. We wait patiently,
shaken but not stirred, wanting to get on with our "normal" schedules.But the thoughts of death are haunting us, in sleep, in dreams, and when
we're awake. A desperate need to not say good bye, wishing in our hearts
that G-d will grant our loved ones, just one more day, just one more
hour, of love, of life, of joy, one more moment to be angry, to fight,
to feel.In the play "Fiddler On The Roof", towards the end, the Jewish community
feels now would be a good time for the Messiah to come, to save them
from the horrors they are faced with. I don't think we need a Messiah
for this. Just a little compassion, just a little common sense, just a
little open-mindedness, just a little less evil.The world hounds Israel, and Israel, small and strong, fights
desperately for its place, for this small land we've created, our land,
our country, our way of life.I send out a plea, stand with us, when faced with anti-Semitism don't
stand quiet, please, fight with us, fight for us. Israel is never
perfect, and not everything we do is always right, but the road to
safety and peace, is a bumpy one at its mildest. The people standing at
the side of the road, helping and offering a hand, are what helps us
through.Keeping in mind those hurt, those murdered, those who merely want to
live, I ask for your support in this war for life.Yours,
Kate Deutsch
(18 female from Jerusalem, born and raised here, in this blood-strewn
country.)To Top
To read Kate's article in this issue, click here
To write to Kate, click here
The views expressed in the articles and posts are those of the writer and not of
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