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HUMOR

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark...
This comes from Michael Storch

One: Don't miss the boat.

Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

Six: Build your future on high ground.

Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.

Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

NO LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM...
NO LOOKING AROUND ON YOUR DESK...

Average person only gets 7 right.

This is based on U.S. & CDN info, so use all lobes of your brain.

This can be more difficult than it looks - it just shows how little most of us really see!

There are 27 questions about things we see every day or have known about all our lives. How many can you get right?

These little simple questions are harder than you think-- it just shows you how little we pay attention to the commonplace things of life.

Put your thinking caps on.

No cheating! No looking around! No getting out of your chair! No using anything on or in your desk or computer! Can you beat 20??
(The average is 7)

Write down your answers and then check your answers (on the bottom) only AFTER completing all the questions.

REMEMBER - NO CHEATING!!! --- BE HONEST!!!

That means no looking at your phone or anything on your desk...

LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE.

Here we go!

1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?

2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?

6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?

7. How many matches are in a standard pack?

8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?

9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?

10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise? (In North America)

11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

13. On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?

14. Which way do fans rotate?

15. What is on the back of a Canadian dime?

16. How many sides does a stop sign have?

17. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?

18. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

19. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

20. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy,Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

21. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

22. On which playing card is the card makers trademark?

23. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats

24. On the back of a Canadian $1 coin, what is in the center?

25. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?

26. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?

27. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?


ANSWERS

1. Bottom

2. 50

3. Right

4. Blue, red, white, yellow, black, &gold

5. 1, 0

6. Right

7. 20

8. Red

9. 88

10. Clockwise (north of the equator)

11. Towards bottom right

12. 12 (no #1)

13. Left

14. Clockwise as you look at it

15. The Bluenose

16. 8

17. Left

18. 5

19. 6

20. Bashful

21. 8

22. Ace of spades

23. Left

24. Loon

25. *, #

26. 3

27. Counter

So You think you Know everything?........

  • A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

  • A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

  • A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

  • A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

  • A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

  • A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

  • A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

  • A snail can sleep for three years.

  • Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

  • All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

  • Almonds are a member of the peach family.

  • An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

  • Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

  • Butterflies taste with their feet.

  • Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

  • "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

  • February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

  • In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

  • If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

  • If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

  • It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

  • Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

  • Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

  • No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

  • On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

  • Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

  • Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

  • Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

  • "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.

  • The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

  • The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

  • The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

  • The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

  • The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

  • The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

  • There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

  • There are more chickens than people in the world.

  • There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous

  • There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

  • There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.

  • Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

  • TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

  • Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

  • Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

  • Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

    ......Now you know everything!

    Check out the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow. There's no trick or surprise. Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!

    Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them... really.


    Now, arrow down (but not too fast, you might miss something).........

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    Now repeat saying the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 15 seconds.

    Then scroll down.
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    QUICK!!! THINK OF A VEGETABLE!

    Then arrow down.
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             Keep going.
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    You're thinking of a carrot, right?

    If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with carrot when given this exercise. Freaky, huh?

    This came from Joel

    LIFES LITTLE PROBLEMS

    Are you the weakest link?

    Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are. Ready?

    First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
    Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question. To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

    Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
    Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?! You're not very good at this are you?

    Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000.. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total? Did you get 5000?
    The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

    Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
    Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again.

    KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE "SMART PEOPLE" IN YOUR LIFE!

    Sounds funny but it's true:

    Remembering 9's
    What's 9 x 7?
    Use the 9-method! Hold out all 10 fingers, and lower the 7th finger. There are 6 fingers to the left and 3 fingers on the right.
    The answer is 63!

    Click here for past jokes

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