A Contemporary Purim Story
And it was in the days of Achashveirosh, that is, Achashveirosh who was the ADMINISTRATOR of 127 SITES, from www.hodu.com to www.kush.com.
*In the 3rd year of his administration, Achashveirosh made a feast for AOL those on his BUDDY LIST. He wined and dined them with every PERIPHERAL. His wife, Vashti, made a feast as well, @ which time her hubby commanded her to come show off her BARE BONES VERSION to all his drunk CLIENTS. She refused and he DELETED her for it.
Soon after, Achashveirosh regretted DELETING his wife, and both conducted worldwide SPAM and BROWSED worldwide MESSAGE BOARDS, and GOOGLED in search of the prettiest maiden for him to marry. At long last, Esther was found and crowned. Naturally, they posted their picture on only simchas.
Mordechai, Esther's uncle, got hold of the FAX that Bigson and Seresh, two malicious HACKERS, were AIMing a VIRUS at Achashveirosh's HARD DRIVE. Esther immediately alerted Achashveirosh, and the episode was SAVED and ARCHIVED.
At this time, Haman the anti-Semite was given a raise, and everyone had to MODEM to him. Only Mordechai refused to do so, because Haman wore an ICON around his neck; this angered Haman and made him want to RAM all the Jews' heads in! Haman convinced Achashveirosh to BACK him UP by offering him some CACHE and by telling him, "C D Jews are disloyal citizens, yada yada"; so Achashveirosh gave Haman his PASSWORD and told him to use his administrative privileges as he saw fit. Haman was so excited ("YAHOO!") that he LOGGED IN right away and e-mailed everyone he knew, telling them kDOS uk'din to DELETE every last Jew on the INTERFACE of this earth. He even set aside a specific DATA kill them.
Mordechai the JUNO-d what was going on, so he put on his torn BOOTs, rags, and ashes, and called a fast day of prayer (of course, telling them to make sure to say each WORDPERFECT - ly). He also told the Jews to NETWORK for the next three days and concentrate on arousing Hashem's pity. Last, he sent an INSTANT MESSENGER to tell Esther to beg Achashveirosh to reconsider his decision.
So, Esther went to Achashveirosh and gave him and Haman an IM INVITATION. At the party, Achashveirosh offered her up to half his administration, but Esther simply invited him to another party the following day to chap arein another few BYTES.
That night, Haman built a gallows on which to hang Mordechai, because he was so annoyed that the latter didn't MODEM to him.
Simultaneously, Achashveirosh realized he just SCAN't sleep, so he asked his servants to DOWNLOAD all his ARCHIVES and see if anyone that deserved a reward didn't get it. They noticed Mordechai's HOME PAGE, and Achashveirosh resolved to take action that very night.
Well, Haman was at the door then to get permission to hang Mordechai, so Achashveirosh asked him what to do to honor someone. Haman, thinking it was surely himself being referred to, said that the person in question should be led through the streets on Achashveirosh's TROJAN HORSE- wearing Achashveirosh's best garments. Achashveirosh, without even bLINKING, said, ".COM on, hurry up and do alt that for Mordechai!" Needless fo say, Haman FROZE.
So, Haman had no choice but to go ahead with it, and while he was leading Mordechai through the streets, his wife thought that it was Mordechai leading her father so she dumped the RECYCLE BIN out the WINDOWS on Haman's head. When he got home and repeated all this to his wife, she told him "Since that acCURSORed Mordechai is a Jew, UNIXed it. Your downfall has just begun."
Haman didn't even have time to elaborate because he was summoned to Esther's party, stinKEY as he was from the whole ordeal. And Esther had him in the PALM of her hands: she told Achashveirosh that Haman was planning to kill her and her whole nation. Achashveirosh got so mad that he ordered Haman and his ten sons to be DELETED on the tree that Haman had prepared for Mordechai. The Jews were SAVED, and Achashveirosh even allowed the Jews to DELETE them on the date that Haman set aside.
So the Jews lived happily ever after; what the Jews XPected to be a tragedy turned into a day of great joy.
So every year we try to UPGRADE all Jews MISSING RAM and send the LATEST VERSION OF CLIPART and THEMED PROGRAMS to family and friends alike.
*Have a Happy Purim!* Written by Reb Yehuda Chechik, an Internet Chassid
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