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http://www.ttt.org.il/nov99/advice1.htmTEEN ADVICE
got a problem - or a solution - tell us about it on teen advice! write to Sarale at write@ttt.org.il
Dear SFUnfortunately, I know how you feel. But not in terms of location. It's how I've been brought up. I've always grown up in an orthodox environment, and never felt comfortable in a conservative atmosphere.
But I've always felt seperated from the girls in my class. I grew up with them, but they always talk about me behind my back. I don't feel like I belong with them. They're too narrow minded and I need to learn more about the world. So, don't feel alone. I hope you fit in more than I have.
J.L.
Dear J.L., The world is a hard place to live in and people can be hard to get along with. You just have to be strong. People can be so stupid and they can be so smart. Do not despair. If you decide that you will be okay then you will be.
It might take a while... I don't know how old you are or anything about you. You might not feel okay for years (I'm so encouraging) but you will and I will too. If these people make fun of you or talk about you behind your back then they are not good enough for you anyway. You deserve to have good friends who really care about you. I believe that everything that happens happens for a reason and I don't necessarily mean from G-d. I mean that if you are suffering now then you benefit from it in some way. Good things come out of everything, even things that seem horrible. For example: if you are feeling very alone now then you can gain sensitivity to other people, you can learn more about yourself, you can become a better person....etc.. and that's not always so comforting but whatever.
I think the more you suffer the more you learn and the more you will be able to be happier and appreciate things in the future. By going through what you are going through now you are reaching a higher level of everything and these other people probably know nothing in comparison to you. They may have a lot of friends....but are their friendships real? You have something better; you are a good person. When you do have friendships with people (maybe you even do already) then they will be good real friendships because you have learned so much and because you know how and how not to treat people, because there are other people like you.
I wrote the message that you replied to a long time ago. I have grown up a lot since then. I have realized by now that the reason why I do not fit in is not really because of nationality and all that (although that does contribute to it in some way). It is just the type of person I am (or have become - possibly in consequence of the nationality thing....I don't know).
I still do not have any friends in my school. I still don't fit in. I don't have any friends on the same continent and that's gotta suck. It's really really hard and I am miserable most of the time but I wouldn't have it any other way...I know that sounds wierd, but I am not jealous of all the other people in my school....I am not a very happy person but I am a genuine person and I think that's very important. One day I will be happy and so will you. And maybe our happiness will be much more genuine than these other people.
Do you understand what I am trying to say? I hope you do because it is very very important. If you ever need anyone to talk to or anything I am here....feel free to write to me.
shira freedman (s.f.)
quote of the minute:"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get somewhere in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, they make them."