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TEEN ADVICE
R wrote the following letter to our bulletin board last month - and due to the overwhelming response and support to R - we have reissued our TEEN ADVICE section.
So if you have a problem - or a solution - tell us about it on teen advice! write to Sarale at write@ttt.org.il
The problem
Hi- I just made Aliya 2 months ago. I am really having a hard time here. Obviously, the hardest problem is the language. I feel really cut-off from all the girls in my class, and although I have a few English- speaking friends, it's not the same. I miss my friends tons and I really want to see them soon. I want to go back home to England for Pesach, but my parents won't allow me to. They say that if I'm unhappy now that when I get to England, Ill be even more unhappy when I come back. I don't think it's true. I know that when I come back, I'll be happier because I will have seen them. Please, please give me some good convincing ideas!!
R.
Teens respond!
UPDATED NOV 13 Dear R.
Yeah, I know how you feel. I moved to Israel from England, too, around two and a half years ago and I found it very hard. I lived in Salford - Manchester, and went to King David Junior School, where I was top of the class and won the Academic Prize on "Speech Day". I had plenty of best friends there, and when I was told we were moving abroad, I thought it was just a joke. When I realised my parents were serious, I was shocked. It took me about a week for it to sink in!
Anyway, as you can probably imagine, my Hebrew wasn't too great, so naturally school was incredibly difficult for me. But still, I survived it. I made friends - it took ages, but it happened. Eventually, more people will get to know you, and it'll get better.
If you can't beat 'em join 'em.
Actually, I'm very lucky. My dad still works in England and commutes there every other week, so yes, it's hard having your dad away, but when he comes back (he's always back for the weekend) he brings all the best of the English products:
Cadbury's chocolate bars, comics, magazine. He even records some of my favourite telly programmes and brings back the tapes, so I can keep up with English telly. Plus we fly back to good old England every summer for the whole of the summer holidays, and I get to see my old friends again.
I hope what I said helps you.
Good luck.

Netanel
Hi R,
I read your letter, and its pretty amazing because I am in the same situation. We just made Aliyah 3 months ago. I am a 14 year old girl from New York. I'm just learning Hebrew, and its been hard. I can't communicate very well with the girls in my classes.
Rebecca
Dear R
Even though I came to Israel with pretty fluent Hebrew, I identify with your problem fully. It's true that small talk is hard, especially when the Israeli culture and humour is very different. However, one thing I found that helped a lot was to stick with a group of friends and eventully you get used to the way they think and act and soon enough you become best friends even with the language barier.
Keep your spirits up; Israel is a cool place even if you live in Bet El or any place that isn't a major town like Jerusalem or Tel Aviv. By the way I live in Alon Shvut, which is also a yishuv and I love it here much more that a big town.
Kol Tuv
CD
Dear R,
I completly understand how you feel. I moved to Israel four years ago and felt that way at the beginning also. Now I have moved back to the states and it is just as hard, if not harder. E-mail me if you'd like and maybe we can talk more.
~Rachel
Hi,
My name is Shlomo Katz. I am 17 and I am from Chicago. I also made aliyah and I have been living in Israel for 3 years. In some ways I hate it here.
You say you want to go back. The first time I went back to the states was this past summer and ever since then I am trying to look for a way to get out of the army. I dont know if it is because I really want to go back or because I got jealous when all my friends told me that they will be going to college in the states and I "would" be in the army. So I guess your parents are correct by telling you that you will just get more upset if you go back to visit. But I have to tell you when I went back I had the best time of my life.
I don't really hate it here. It is just that I miss my friends and being able to speak my own language.
I plan on attending an american yeshiva next year in Israel and then the year after I plan on going to college in the states. I went to the recruitment office in Jerusalem to investigate if I can be excused from serving in the army. After being sent to each department I finally met with the captain and she said that they would get back to me in a few weeks.
I would like to hear from you.
Shlomo
Dear R.,
Hi. I made aliya with my family when I was 14 (right about your age). I was just starting high school. I knew no Hebrew, besides the basic conjugations. People suggested to my parents to remain in Israel an entire year before leaving the country. The first time I went back was after a year and a half. Though it was very difficult at the time to be so distant from my friends and relatives and normal shopping places (I remember once writing a friend and asking her to move the mall from my town here…and the drugstore along with it!)…I think it may have helped my acclimation into this country. The reasoning was that if I were to leave during vacation, then I would always associate vacation and fun times with my hometown, while work and struggling to fit in would be associated with life in Israel. If I really wanted to try to make it, I should try living here all year round.
When you go back and forth between countries, it is very easy to start feeling settled again in the country you are visiting and then all sorts of doubts start popping up about how much better it may have been had you remained in (in this case) England. Thank G-d for snail mail and e-mail. When I moved here, most of my friends did not yet have e-mail. I was a very good letter writer and so were many of my friends, which made life easier. Letter writing and sending tapes (with voice recordings) helps to keep that personal touch.
I feel for you and can relate when you say it's not the same here (due to the language) when you communicate with friends. Unfortunately, there is this language barrier that does take an x amount of months to overcome (I say "x" because for each person it is different! And, this mathematical equation which my uncle gave me helped me deal with the lack of the language at the beginning. Until this equation I remember people telling me how much time it would take me to adjust, and I didn't like the pressure or the length of time others would suggest). You are going through a very difficult time…it's hard enough to go through it in a country where the spoken language is your mother tongue!
My father just came into the room while I am typing this letter to you and I shared a bit of your letter. He reminded me that the hardest part of klita for parents is seeing their kids struggling. Our parents have picked up their lives and moved here with their families not because they were fleeing any atrocities but because they were looking for a better and more meaningful life for their family. It pains them when their children are having a difficult time, but they are doing the most they can to make the entire process as successful as possible. They think, while they may not be sure, that not letting you go back to England for the time being is the best thing. They would never do this to hurt you. They only are looking out for your and your other siblings' good.
Time is one of the main ingredients in making klita easier. This time in your life of not feeling fully settled or having the same sort of true/real friends you have in England may seem like forever. And, that is fine. This is unfortunately a very normal process of klita. It is hard. But, believe me, you will get over it. And, perhaps some day you will look back at these days as an achievement that you have no idea how you got through, but it will prove to yourself what you can get yourself through.
You may also want to let your Hebrew-speaking friends know what you are going through. Or, just tell them that you need their support, their friendship, and help (with homework?! I know, I sure was dependent on my classmates!).
If you want to talk some more, or have any more questions, please feel free to e-mail me. It is a hard time you are going through, but if you stick with it, you will soon see the benefits.
Good luck to you!
--Rhea
While it's understandable that "small talk" in Hebrew is difficult, I know that it will become A LOT easier over time. You have only been here a few months, and learning a language takes time. I know that it took my brother and me only about four or five months to become fluent in Hebrew. Since then, of course, we have started to forget some of our English! Hold in there and things will work out. Even in your second letter you sounded more optimistic. You said that the girls were really nice, which I think is the most important thing. As long as you don't restrict yourself socially to the English speakers, I think that you'll be surprised at how fast you'll learn the language.
About going back to England. I just came back from spending shabbat with my shevet from the states who are here for a year after high-school. In some ways it was a lot of fun, but on the other hand I realized that we live worlds apart. I think that if you go back it will be a bittersweet trip, because it's fun to see old friends, but you will by then have built yourself a totally new life, and you won't realize just how much you have changed. All this is just a guess though. I have been in Israel for three years, and haven't been back to the states.
Tamar

Thanx for the letters. They really helped me put things in a different perspective.
R.